Sunday 3 March 2013

30 Days of Fitness: Day 14 - Reflections and Revelations

So I'm having a massive body image day today. I think. I was at the gym doing my workout and it was all going ok until I got to the chest presses and the shoulder presses. I couldn't do the 30kg that I had been able to do on Thursday and Friday. Was really disappointing because I never thought I'd regress. And it wasn't that it became too hard and I couldn't be bothered but to the point where I had to almost push myself out of the seat to be able to do them correctly. So I dropped down to 20kg. So this bummed me out for the test of the workout and I ended up struggling through it a lot more because of that.

On top of that, generally my gym has a very mixed ratio of guys, girls, old, young, fit and unfit so it's never really been too intimidating. And even though I'm generally a pretty self confident person, when it comes to my body I lack severely. Today however, there was a myriad of fit fit men there, and I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to people who've been obviously working out a lot but you just can't help but be slightly embarrassed and just want to be at home eating Doritos and watching Walking Dead.

Then I had my Zumba class and I've definitely decided Zumba isn't for me. I just feel like it's a dance class for mothers. Just my opinion - please don't shoot! I just struggled with the co-ordination and I couldn't focus on what was happening. Instead I was looking at the clock every five minutes wondering when that hour would be up. Although, he did incorporate a bit of Bollywood into it so that was a nice change.

A perfect example
On the eve of being halfway through the challenge, I know I've come a long way. My housemate commented today that I've been standing straighter - and poor posture had always been a problem of mine - and look better but the idea of being this hot muscly man is never going to be me yet I yearn for it quite a lot.

Maybe this has something to do with gay culture and how it is obsessed - yes, obsessed with body image. I don't know many straight guys who take photos of their bodies and parade it online through Facebook, Instagram or twitter. The gay community though, they thrive on it like it's a competition to see who had the best body. Even though its s competition I don't want to enter or win I can't help it but be influenced and affected by these images that surround me.

I'm generally ok with it all, but today had been a moment of weakness. And reflection as to what I want to achieve from this challenge.

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