Dan Savage and his "savage advice"

I happened to catch Dan Savage in Sydney give a talk as part of The Festival of Dangerous Ideas. Entitled "Savage Advice" he discussed the idea that infidelity is not the end of the world in the reality of long-term relationships and referred to his own "monogamish" relationship with his husband and how it can work for some people.

Savage informed us that 40-60% of men and 40-50% of women will cheat on their partners and as we invest so much time into relationships we should not walk away from them because of the occasional slip up. I could not disagree more. If you are going to commit to someone, you commit to someone. You don't commit to them part time. Firstly, creating a cute term like "monogamish" will not lessen the impact of what has occurred and I will not and can not accept "monogamish" into my life. Secondly, you either are monogamous or you're not. Just like you either are vegetarian, sexist or racist or not. No one is vegetarianish or sexistish or racistish.

The Beast: A monster of an awful show.

DISCLAIMER: If you are planning on seeing The Beast, I do mention examples of the "humour" used so if you want to go in completely unawares, it's best to read this piece afterwards.

Just back from opening night of The Beast at Melbourne Theatre Company and never has a show left me feeling so angry and so frustrated at what has been passed off as satire and humour. I was so deeply pissed off by this show that I could not even bring myself to clap at the end and for the majority of the second act I sat there grim faced wondering just how low this could go, and at each scene I was more and more surprised by the answer.

Melbourne Fringe Festival Top 10 Shows

So another Melbourne Fringe festival comes to an end and so I present to you my TOP 10!
If I reviewed the show on an official basis, the link to the review is attached.

1. MKA: KIDS KILLING KIDS

Four young theatre makers take an adaptation of Battle Royale (an amazing Japanese movie) and create it for a Philippino audience. The response was something they never expected and here they tell us their story.

I really enjoyed this: it provoked some intelligent conversation about responsible theatre making and what in fact those responsibilities are. They are not arrogant to tell you the answers, but succeed in getting you talking about it.

This was very much a love it or hate it show as I know people who felt they were taking advantage of what had happened and trying to capitalise on it and had not really expressed any regret over what had happened. I personally, don't believe they need to.

REVIEW

My top 10 films at the Melbourne International Film Festival

So two and a half weeks of craziness come to an end, and after getting to watch a mere 37 films, I now present you my Top 10 movies from the Melbourne International Film Festival.

1. Stranger By The Lake

This French thriller takes place at a quiet lake where men spend the day swimming naked and cruising the neighbouring forest. When Franck witnesses a murder at the lake, it turns into a deadly infatuation with the killer and from there the tension builds to an intense final few scenes.
At times quite Hitchcockian, the story is engrossing and the character development of the three leads was done quite well. I really enjoyed the lack of music on this film and how the natural sounds were used to really amplify the suspense.
Despite it's graphic gay sex scenes, it would be a shame to consider this film as a "gay" movie, as it really is just a film where the characters happen to be gay.

Homosexuals, Olympics, Russia and Vodka...

The news about Russia and its legislation that now bans "propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations to minors” with severe punishments for anyone who infringes on this draconian law, has been making headlines, and rightly so. With all the progress the world has made regarding gay rights for something like this to be passed in this day and age is so horrendously wrong that people should be talking about it. However, there have been two things that have really got to me regarding this legislation; firstly, the reaction of the International Olympic Committee and secondly, the boycotting of Russian vodka, Stolichnaya.

It's all fun and games in Russia

I have never been a fan of the Olympics. I have always seen them as being hypocritical in what they stand for with their claims about solidarity and uniting countries, yet it’s always about winning and who has the most medals. With the laws that Russia has just passed, it is now time for the IOC to take a stand and prove what the Olympics stand for. Instead they release a since proven erroneous statement that they have "received assurances from the highest level of government in Russia" that these laws that violate human rights "will not affect those attending or taking part in the games". Because that makes it all right does it? Out of sight out of mind? It is reminiscent of the 1936 Olympics in Nazi Germany. The Nazi party might not have been in at its peak back then and communication to the masses would have been a lot more difficult so I can see somehow understand (but not accept) how they would have still permitted the games to be held there, but with all the facts we have at hand about what is happening in Russia, it is unfathomable that the IOC can sit back and implicitly say ‘we don’t give a shit about human rights, just as long as the games go ahead”. The last time the games were cancelled was in 1940 and I can understand the importance of the games (even if I don’t agree with them) but find me anyone who is a supporter of human rights who would not agree with cancelling the games if Russia does not wake up to itself? Yes it’s an extreme reaction but this is an extreme discriminatory law. Forget about gay marriage for a second and remember that this law permits someone to be jailed for even discussing homosexuality with minors.

But if the IOC won’t do anything, at least the gay clubs will. Some of the biggest gay clubs in America, Canada, England and Australia - including The Laird in Melbourne and Gay Bar in Sydney, have begun boycotting Russian vodka - in particular Stolichnaya. Individuals have also chosen to no longer purchase the Russian brand as their drink of choice. Bravo! Bravo indeed! Let’s stop consuming a drink that obviously has Russian ties but whose headquarters are not even based in Russia (they’re in Luxembourg) and have no effect on the actual Government itself. Even the CEO of Stoli’s parent company SPI Group, Val Mendeleev, has issued an open letter to the LGBT community, in which he speaks of being a “fervent supporter and friend” of the gay community. Yes, it is raising awareness about the issue but it is not doing anything for the cause. It’s this “bedroom activism” that really infuriates me. If people really wanted to take a stand against this they would stop using/purchasing products that Russia exports. In 2007, Petroleum products comprised over half of Russian exports to the U.S. while iron, steel and railway equipment are the fastest growing imports into Russia from America. If we put a stop on such trade in response to Russia’s heinous legislation then this would actually have an effect on the country. Of course, this would require people to actually make some sort of sacrifice rather than getting on their morality horse by limiting their alcohol intake. Not drinking Stolichnaya vodka because of Russia’s gay laws is the same thing as “liking” a page on Facebook to end world hunger.

We – in Australia – are up in arms about the fact that we still don’t have legal marriage for all gay people. We think this is abhorrent and extremely discriminatory, but on the flipside, I am so relieved that we can openly hold hands, kiss and discuss homosexuality without fear of retribution. Yes we can’t get married (yet) but at least we don’t have the fear of going to jail or being murdered for being who we are. For this reason, it is imperative that the IOC and world leaders make a stand to Russia that this is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Tilda Swinton posing with the rainbow flag in Russia

Am I a Bad Gay?

I often joke to my friends that one day, my license will be revoked; my license to be gay. I know a lot of people who will read this and disagree with me and that's fine, but from my experiences this is how I see the gay community as a whole, based on my experiences. I've been a practising homosexual for a decade and I still feel no closer to the gay community than those days when I would borrow my next door neighbour's Dolly magazines to read but secretly lust after the shirtless nameless models in their pages.

There are a number of reasons why I feel I am a bad gay; the main one being I hate gay clubs. The clubs I have been to are generally a cruising ground for sex. Not that straight clubs aren't but in the gay ones, sexual advances are extremely direct and confronting (and at times, close to sexual assault). Two examples that come to mind; I was in the toilets of one club when a guy walked up to me and asked 'can I suck your dick' while I was literally standing at the urinal. Another time, a customer I had served when I worked in retail recognised me out and as he walked past me, grabbed my penis and smiled at me. I didn't appreciate that but yet if I was to create a scene about these moments, I would be looked at as making a big deal over nothing. The themed nights that various clubs have such as 'foam parties' implicitly condone such behaviour.

Continuing on with the overly sexualisation in the gay community, the amount of times I have started talking to - and even dated - guys and then find out they are in open relationships is unbelievable. I was at the Peel about six months ago and this guy approached me. We chatted for a while and had a bit of a snog (yes I said snog, deal with it) and then I returned to my mates. As I was leaving, I went back to him, chatted a bit more, exchanged numbers and I headed home (that's the PG version anyway). We spent the weekend texting back and forth and organising to go out that following Thursday until he sent me a text on the Monday saying "hey, I really like you but I think you should know I already have a boyfriend but I still want to see you". Delete. I'm not judging anyone that is in an open relationship (even though I don't get it) but it's treated like such a casual, normal thing to mention to someone, to the point where I was told by a friend that I should have asked him if he had a boyfriend! I'm no prude and I like to think I've had my fair share of escapades (yes, at times I have used Grindr to fulfil these needs) but in a gay environment, I feel sexual inhibitions disappear and anything is deemed acceptable which does not sit well with me.

There is a strong sense of competition between gay men. Much more than what I witness and hear about amongst my straight male friends. There's this feeling of having to be better than and superior to each other. Walk down Chapel St and you can feel the eyes burning through you, looking you up and down, judging what you're wearing, how your hair looks and who good your body is. We're so hell bent on creating a gay community yet we create these divides that are anything but positive. Why would anyone want to be part of that?

I'm also not a participant of gay festivals or events; I've never been to MidSumma, Sydney Mardi Gras and I didn't even go to any Melbourne Queer Film Festival screenings. I feel no connection or openess to any of these. A new magazine "about men who date men" called Hello Mr. was released recently, which has intelligent and well thought out articles written by gay men from around the world. Whilst it was far superior to the semi-pornographic DNA-esque magazines that are around at the moment, I still was not won over. There were only three articles I genuinely enjoyed and was moved by but the rest of it felt preachy and at times, quite pretentious - further enhancing 'competition' within the gay community.

It is for these reason why I guess I don't have a lot of gay friends, which I am fine with, as choosing your friends based on sexual preference is just as ridiculous as choosing your friends based on sex. My friends are awesome and never have I ever been made to feel uncomfortable about who I am, directly or indirectly but I've also reached the stage now - having just turned thirty five months ago - where what I would really like is a relationship. Having turned my back on so many gay avenues, what else is left? Where do people who don't fit the gay community mould go? I keep thinking that I will meet the perfect guy when I am at a cool little cafe in Fitzroy or at a comedy gig I may be at and I don't need to go to the Greyhound or join a gay sports team to meet him.

So...am I a bad gay?

Why I go to the Gym

There's an article doing the rounds at the moment by pianist James Rhodes called "Find what you love and let it kill you". You can find the article here. In it Rhodes discusses how his love for playing the piano has enveloped his life and how it is the greatest thing in his life, which is great, but then he makes the following statement:

"What if, rather than paying £70 a month for a gym membership that delights in making you feel fat, guilty and a world away from the man your wife married you bought a few blank canvases and some paints and spent time each day painting your version of "I love you" until you realised that any woman worth keeping would jump you then and there just for that, despite your lack of a six-pack?"

I fell this is an unfair statement to make. Clearly Rhodes is not a fan of the gym and it sounds like he's never been inside a gym. I am only making this assumption because it is what I used to think of about the gym before I started going.

I began going to the gym as part of a 30 Day Challenge. Until that time I had NEVER set foot in a gym and the most active thing I had done of late was performing on stage with an improvised comedy group. However, I was "lucky" to be "blessed" with the ability to eat anything and not put on weight. So at 6'3" and weighing only 71kg, I never looked at fitness as my thing.


Initially, I felt a little inferior to the people going at my gym. This skinny tall guy who could barely bench press 20kg. But the more I persevered at it, the better I got. The gym actually became a place of positivity and well being for me. And it was one of the few places, at the moment where I am able to switch off everything else that is going on in my life and just focus on the present.

During my first few visits, I was self conscious but I noticed that no one even looks at you at the gym - or my gym anyway. Everyone is so focused on themselves to care about or judge you. Perfect example was when I was doing some bench presses and I had exerted myself so much that I couldn't push the bar back up on the hooks. I was stuck there with 30 kg resting on my chest. No one helped. Because no one was watching me. I eventually managed to lift if up and hide my sheer embarrassment.

Before I went to the gym, I had severe issues about my body - and to an extent, I still do and probably always will. But the progress I have made at the gym (I have already gained 2kg and now have a bicep!!!) has provided me with more confidence than I have had in my entire life. I am not going to the gym for anyone but myself.

I find the gym an inspirational place as I see men (and women) with great physiques that I aspire to have. My current goal is to gain 10kg of muscle. I go to the gym 6 days a week and have a weekly Personal Training session. My PT is supportive and listens to my needs and pushes me that extra bit. So I take offence to Rhodes' remark about how the gym makes you feel fat and guilty and implying that people only go for superficial reasons.

I have been going to the gym for ten weeks now and I am feeling great. If I become aesthetically more appealing to others in the process, then it's a win/win situation. Whilst I agree with Rhodes' sentiments I feel that his above statement is an insult to people who enjoy going to the gym, as if their passion is not as valid because it is not artistic like playing the piano or painting yet it requires just as much discipline and passion.

So find what you love and let it kill you - whatever it may be.

Melbourne Comedy Festival Top 10 shows

So, after having seen a whopping 6% of what's on offer I give you my top ten shows of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival!
If I also reviewed the show on an official basis, the link to the review is attached.


1. SLUTMONSTER & FRIENDS

My mind was blown and then got super dirty after watching this show. It was relentless in its laughs and full of so much inappropriate humour which I absolutely adore. I could not fault this show and so glad I finally got to see it. Really hoping for a little Slutmonster cuddly toy to come out soon - look at the costume!
REVIEW


2. SUITCASES, BAGGAGE & OTHER SYNONYMS

I have a strong preference for theatre rather than stand up so naturally I really enjoyed this musical comedy about five housemates trying to decide where to go on holiday. Great score and a very snappy and sharp script which really packed in the laughs. And you know that any show that starts off with a bang is going to be good.

REVIEW


3. HOPE IS THE SADDEST

Another theatre number revolving around chance encounters and Dolly Parton. Extremely well written with some very thought out characters. There is not a single word that is wasted in this script. Great ways of using the small stage and a good combination of varying methods of telling the story are incorporated.

REVIEW


4. ANNE EDMONDS in "THE QUARTER CABBAGE"

Four strangers come to the same grocer to buy a quarter cabbage. They each give a 15 minute monologue to an insight into their lives. Edmonds portrays them with such honesty, realness and hilarity there were tears rolling down my face at various points. Would love to see some more of John Watts and Rebecca again.

REVIEW

5. SIMON ABRAHAMS & LACHLAN MaCLEOD in "SATURN RETURNS"

This cabaret show look at the fears and worries we have about turning 30. Having just turned 30, I could absolutely agree with all the issues these two talented singer/songwriters/performers covered. Some poignant moments scattered throughout and Abrahams and MaCleod would be one of the strongest comedy duo I have seen in a long time.
REVIEW

6. APARTMENTOCALYPSE!

It's the end of the world and three housemates are trying to figure out what happens next. Great mixture of the mundane within the backdrop of armageddon. It's clear they have been working on this for a while and it pays off with some very clever humour and dialogue. 

REVIEW



7. CIRCUS HORRIFICUS

Sideshow freak circus acts meet comedy here. Although there are a few moments that the "slapstick" does waver and it's not so much traditional laughter as more gasps and deep breaths with some of the acts these two performers do, it was still a highly enjoyable show that had you feeling sympathy pain in places you didn't know you could.

REVIEW




8. THOMAS GREEN in "SIGN OF THE TIMES"

Although officially not part of the festival, Green performed a few intimate stand up sets in Richmond and I was very impressed by him. Probably one of the newest stand up comedians I have seen in a while that I have enjoyed. Really charming and laid back with interesting insights and anecdotal stories. Definitely someone to look out for in next year's comedy festival.

REVIEW


9. CHOIR GIRL

Sarah Collins is great as Susan, a young woman obsessed with being in choirs and the means she goes through to get accepted. Collins has some great storytelling techniques and her ability to command a crowd of over 250 people is a skill that not many performers have. Some great musical moments too, with Britney Spears being quite memorable. Oh, and there is a real life 13 person choir in the show too.
REVIEW

10. IN THE PARLOUR with TILLY & FLORA

Set in 1851 in a small English town of Cottesloe, this is improvised comedy at its best. And also the only improvised theatre-show at the Festival.  Sisters, Tilly and Flora are a delight to watch on stage with their daily adventures whilst also trying to keep up appearances. My regret is not being able to see more of this show as each one was completely different.


Well there you have it. Hope you managed to catch some of these shows as sometimes the more popular shows are not always going to be the best. If you agree, disagree or just have an urge to comment on my choices then let me know!

Till next Comedy Festival!

Is the Walking Dead sexist?

Recently, I have felt that The Walking Dead – the TV series – has been treating its female character as second rate characters. Not caring for them and not developing them as much as they are the men. I’ve also made a note of the number of female characters who seem to kill themselves. It’s quite difficult to not compare the same character to the comic but I will attempt to look at the TV series separately to the comics for the most part.

In the beginning of the seasons, I remember the four women, Andrea, Carol, Amy and Jacqui (who later killed herself) washing their clothes when Shane attacks Carol's husband Ed for abusing her. The four women stood back screaming at Shane to stop, even Andrea. In later episodes, once he was dead, Carol felt guilty for wishing dead the man who beat on her and abused her daughter. Even now that her husband – and daughter – are dead, Carol is still shown as a weak person constantly being protected by the men of the camp, including T-Dog who sacrificed himself to save her and Darryl. Furthermore, Beth has been nothing but a babysitter for the most of season 3. We actually saw her kill two walkers in the finale behind the gates so at least she got to do something. Oh, and let’s not forget her own attempt at suicide in Season 2. Luckily now she stays under the watchful eye of her father, Hershel.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 30 - And so it is

The last day!

Thought I would take it easy today and do a yoga session in the morning. I haven't been warming down properly the last few sessions and I am starting to feel it in my muscles and joints a bit. The stiffness and just being a bit sore for too long. It's just once I finish a workout, the last thing on my mind is warming down. I just wanna go home and relax. I guess I need to start seeing the warm down as PART of the workout and not something separate. I manage to do about 15 minutes of cardio before each workout though - 5 minutes treadmill, 5 minutes rowing and 4 minutes with the medicine ball. So doing the yoga was a great thing. Really stretched out all those muscles and tightness. Felt great afterwards.

So got through 30 Days of Fitness! Yay me! haha...certainly given me a different outlook on health and fitness but I will write up one final blog about my thoughts on the last 30 days tomorrow.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 29 - The final countdown...

The penultimate day!!!! Wazoo....not that I'm gonna stop going but the "pressure" to go and having to update the blog was getting too much. Looking forward to a rest day!

So worked on my chest and biceps today. I was already having anxiety about that damn bench press. Was almost relieved when there were people constantly crowding around it but eventually it opened up for lil' me. Decides to just use the 2.5kg weights so I was only lifting 25kg. STILL struggled with that. Managed to get through the first two sets but the third I swallowed my pride and took them off and just did the 20kg bar. The fact that the Glee soundtrack came on to my shuffle whilst I was doing that did nothing more to emasculate me at all. No. Not at all.

Despite the spelling, this is probably how I feel

The funny thing is, during a break between reps this guy asked me if I was using the green weights. They're each 10kg. I laughed and shook my head. No reaction from him, either he genuinely thought I could lift that or he's not the sharpest crayon in the box.

The rest of the exercises were pretty standard. Forgot how to do the cable bicep curl so I did something that I think involved my biceps - but then again, I just found out where my triceps are the other day.

I feel like my endurance is there and I can continue doing the exercises, but it's just the weight that gets too much sometimes. And there are days when I can do the exercises quite easily and then there are days when the same exercise kills me. I don't know why.

One day to go tomorrow...what a physically and mentally draining challenge it has been! But a good one me thinks!

30 Days of Fitness: Day 28 - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Was a back and triceps today, and now that I know where a tricep is, I could feel it working its little ass off. It really surprises me how weak I actually am, I always assumed I was quite strong for a skinny person but guess I was wrong. And it's clear my left hand is more dominant than my right because there are certain exercises I can do on the left side without a problem yet on the right, i wobble and struggle a bit.

For a warm up, I had a 5 minute run on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the rowing machine and then a few minutes of wall slams with a 4kg medicine ball. I think I realised the importance of a warm up today, as I have been skipping them in the last week and noticed the difference with my movement right away.

I had some difficulty remembering a few of the exercises so I just improvised them today. Was on the TRX for a bit, did the rowing set Nathan and I had discussed; low, medium and high. Then I had a TRX Tricep press and I remembered something about thumbs touching so I just did that. Turns out I was close but was doing for of a chest press then this:

I found the dumbbell pulls and the tricep press up pretty good. The weight (12kg and 9kg) was just right for me. The assisted chin ups were a struggle. I don't know if it's because the order we did them in last time, but I struggled to get through the first set with 66kg. Second set was 72kg and third was 77kg. So I was a little disappointed with that one. Will start on 72kg next time and try and get through all three on that one.

What I should have been doing

Standing Row and Incline Pull were pretty good too. The tricep press I was really confused about and I ended up doing any sort of movement that I could feel the triceps moving. Maybe not the best idea but I thought anything would be better than just skipping it. A quick google search - when I got home - showed that I was close. Instead of pulling down keeping my arms in an L formation, I was pulling up to an L formation. I may have to take instructions with me next time.

My arms felt like jelly afterwards but I can feel my back getting stronger already. My posture has improved and when doing exercises I feel like I have good support from my back. I do enjoy the pain afterwards because it means my body is working on getting better and stronger.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 27 - Oh, so that's a tricep!

So I didn't go to the gym today. Apart from a time thing, I just didn't have the strength to get into a workout again. So once I got home from an evening out at 10pm, I did an hour of yoga and oh my god did my body love me for it. I can't believe how tense and tight my body was. Stretching out my arms and back was like bliss. And don't even get my started on Child Pose.

During the evening when I was out with a friend, she also commented that I looked healthier and more relaxed and stuff. I do feel more energised although this is counteracted with my lack of sleep of late, sometimes only getting 5 hours sleep. But I look forward to this challenge being over - in three days - so that I don't have to do something every day and then blog about it. It's really time consuming to blog every day, especially when I could be using that time to sleep! But I'm glad I did this challenge, it's given me an appreciation for what my body is capable of and how I should be treating it. Along with my new found vegetarianism I think 2013 will be my year of health!

Oh, and I also found out today where my triceps are. Go me!

So much clearer now!

30 Days of Fitness: Day 26 - On my own

Went back to the gym today to work on my chest and biceps. Not meeting Nathan again till next week to do legs and shoulders - which I am a little worried about as everyone I have spoken to has told me how much they hate leg workouts. I feel like my legs are pretty good though, I do well with all the squatting and rowing excercises I do.

So below is my chest and biceps workout:

Bench press 3x10 with 30kg
Cable Chest Flys 3x12 with 10kg
Torso Twists 3x (10x2) with 15kg
Cable Bicep Curls 3x20 with 10kg
Push-ups 3x10
Dumb-bell Chest Press 3x12 with 7.5kg
Bicep Pull-Ups 3x20

I was so so nervous about getting a spotter for the bench press that I was going to use the Smith Machine but then I was concerned about using it correctly that I did the old school one. I don't know why I am so embarrassed to ask someone to spot me. I'm not a shy person! Might be the idea that i am this skinny guy asking this muscly guy to spot me and judge me on the fact I am only lifting 30kg. It's RIDICULOUS!

But I did it on my own and got through the first set; felt pretty good about that. The second set I started to struggle and I went down on the 7th but could not bring it back up. Fortunately there was a lower hook for the bar to slip into so I dropped it in there. Took a 30 second break and attempted to do the third set but couldn't even lift it. It's like, if I have even one seconds doubt then that ruins me for the rest of the set. It's happened a few times . I moved on to the other stuff, in retrospect, I should have taken the 10kg off and completed it with the 20 but I just wanted to get away from the bench press. I don't think we are going to be friends.

The rest of it went quite well. I think remembering the actions was the hardest thing. Had to ask another PT how to do the cable bicep curls. Gotta work on my push-ups as my elbows keep coming out. My goals is to attempt 30 push ups every night the proper way. That should get me doing it right eventually.

This new program has me excited - except for the bench press - is there another way to work the same muscles through a different exercise?

30 Days of Fitness: Day 25 - Back and Triceps Day

Second part of my three split workout working on my back and triceps. The routine Nathan organised for me is as follows:

BACK AND TRICEPS

• TRX Row Series 3x10
• TRX Triceps Press 3x10
• Assisted Chin Ups 3x10 with 66kg
• Standing Row 3x12 with 45kg
• Triceps Press 3x15 with 15kg
• SA Dumb-bell Pulls  3x(12x2) with 12kg
• Triceps Press Up 3x15 with 9kg

I felt pretty good with all this. It was difficult but I was generally able to do the exercises with the initial weight Nathan placed. The most difficult thing was the triceps press. I realised after today that my triceps leave a lot to be desired! Hence the low weight on that. I like using the TRX though. Would be awesome to have one at home. But seeing as the gym is only a five minute walk, it pretty much is!

I felt good with the assisted chin ups - especially having never really done them. Great little machine where the more weight you add the easier it becomes to lift yourself up. I think we might have started at 80kg and I was finding it easy till about the 66kg mark.

The dumb-bells Pulls and Triceps Press I also quite 'enjoyed' in the sense that I felt I could achieve the weight and goals of these. By the end of the circuit I felt much better about this than I did about Chest and Biceps Day

I know these things don't come easily - was gonna say don't happen overnight but then it would lead to finding those Pantene Shampoo TV commercials on line.....*2 minutes later*... - As I was saying, it won't come easily but it doesn't stop me from being demanding of myself and probably trying to be perfect at it straight away. It's like, the sooner I can start doing the big boy weights the sooner my muscles will appear! And I know that logically, you just don't think that way and it won't happen overnight (sorry!) but the way my mind operates is strangely odd indeed!

If I wanted to be optimistic about it though, I'd say it's that I feel motivated and energised to achieve the goals, but I think it's the former. Or maybe, just maybe, it's a little bit of column A and a little bit of clump B?

30 Days of Fitness: Day 24 - Crash & Burn

So, confession time. I have failed the 30 day fitness challenge. Ouch. And it wasn’t from lack of trying just life getting in the way. I am very careful to not make my blog a personal diary but the last 24 hours and the next 24 hours are crazy for me. Last night, straight after work I went to North Melbourne to review a show. I did not get home until almost 11:00pm and I still had to write the review, update the blog and do an online work induction program. I did not get to sleep till almost 1:00am. I had planned to wake up at 6:00am for a yoga session but I slept through the alarm until it was too late and ha to get ready for work. Tonight after work I have a one hour break before I head to the first shift of my second job and won’t be home till possibly midnight. So working 50 hour weeks will be difficult on its own let alone fitting in some fitness into every day. Fortunately the challenge is almost over and even though I am committing to the whole fitness routine I have created, at least I won’t have the pressure of doing it every day.

A lot of people had told me that my body needs a rest and I was like ‘no no no, it’s a 30 day challenge for a reason’ – maybe 30 days is too much for a body to take without a break? Anyway, even though I am a little disappointed in myself, it’s not the end of the world and I will be back on the wagon tomorrow for my 5:45am PT session.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 23 - A New Challenge

Had a PT session this morning. At 6:00am. Fortunately I had no problem getting up this time. Might have been because I knew someone was waiting for me. Maybe this is what the real purpose of a gym buddy is...

Anyway, had a chat with Nathan about wanting to gain 10kg and so we're doing a 3 day split cycle. Day 1; chest and biceps. Day 2; legs and shoulders and Day 3; back and triceps(?). So today we did chest and biceps and although I don't recall the names of all the things I did, I will attempt to describe them and post a copy of my routine when I do this next.

Started off with the bench press. Already felt the intimidation rise as I was suddenly in the weights 'corner' with all these muscly guys. First we did it with just the bar, which was a bit embarrassing but it weighed 20 kg. Did fine, so we upped it to 30kg. There I struggled. And there is where Nathan said is my starting point. Strangely, the thing I dread the most is having to ask someone to spot me when I am doing it. Do you just approach anyone? For some reason, I feel like this will be the hardest thing of the whole circuit. I think it's partly coz I am lifting such a piss-weak weight; will I be scoffed at or mocked? It's almost like being the new kid at school and trying to hang with the cool kids. Weird how this is what I think about though.

Moving on, we then did some biceps lifts and push ups - did a good set of ten. Had a pretty straight back - thank you yoga and plank position but my elbows come out too much when going down. Then we did some dumb bell bench presses went from 6 to 7.5 to 10kg. We're staying at 7.5-8 for the time being. Also had a go at some chin ups, did 2! Fuck yeah!!!

Overall, I am happy with the results I made today. I know I've got a lot to do but I am determined to make this become something good and it won't happen unless I struggle through it; but in a good way. I'm excited about this. Through the 23 days, I now have a goal and a reason to keep going to the gym after the challenge is over. I feel quite rejuvenated. And my high spirits continued when I got home and had a scrambled egg and fried mushroom toast concoction!

30 Days of Fitness: Day 22 - But it's a Public Holiday!

Again, woke up with no motivation whatsoever. Had fully intended to go to my 9:30am pump class - which I actually enjoy - but I just couldn't move. I think it's the heat and also partly the fact that it was a public holiday threw me out a bit.

I did however manage to squeeze out a yoga session. Not the outdoor one I usually go to, which would have been fine had I been working but from home to Carlton and back in this heat....so instead I did my own hour class by my fan. And I think I needed it. After all that gym I was pretty tense and could really feel the stretch affecting my muscles and body. God it really feels weird saying muscle and associating it to my body.

One more day of this stinking heat and then I'm into the final stretch.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 21 - The Cracks Begin...

AAAAAAggggggghhhhhhhhhhh...another failed day, what's happening to me? I feel like it's a cross between tiredness, the heat and the fact that it may be doing things I don't like. In this instance, zumba. Not been a massive fan of zumba since I tried it two weeks ago, think it's a bit silly to be honest. So that might be another reason why I decided to skip it.

Still went to the gym though and did a full workout. Gym was virtually empty, which was weird. Everyone must be away because of the long weekend. It was nice, just because it gave me an opportunity to get more comfortable with the TRX training without an audience, not that people would be watching me but I do feel a little self conscious on it just because I've not used it before. But after today, I'm ready, haha...

Guess this is a short post today...

30 Days of Fitness: Day 20 - Sick of being Skinny

Confession time...I didn't go to my fencing class or my spin class today. BUT I have "valid" reasons for both of these. I think. I mean, who has a fencing class at 10am on a Saturday!?!?! Ok, so I went the two weeks before that but lat night I got to sleep at 4am; it's a Friday night! So to get up at 8am was never going to happen. It is a little annoying as I genuinely enjoy the classes but it would have killed me for the rest of the day.

And Spin...well I have decided to stop going to spin class mainly from due to my fitness goals. I have decided that I want to gain 10kg and by doing an hour of cardio I think it will make it a little more difficult for me to achieve this. I will still do a little cardio in my circuit but I won't do spin anymore. Which isn't a bad thing because I hated it and wanted to die by the end of it. I don't like the way I look, everyone keeps saying how lucky I am to be so skinny and eat what i want (funnily enough this is mainly from women) but I hate being skinny. I have hated being skinny for such a long time, possibly since puberty all those years ago and suddenly being aware of what a fit guy is "supposed" to look like. I know by putting on these extra kilos, I will feel more confident and happier with how I look. I also know it will not be that easy to put on 10kg and it's not just about doing weights but I finally have the clarity and the want to get this.

I spoke with my PT briefly on the phone and we're going to look at giving me a certain muscle to work on in each session from now on and to discuss this goal in more detail. Quite exciting to be mixing things up and now that I have a goal outside the 30 Days, I think it will continue to inspire me to go.

I started with the TRX training today, kept it simple and did some chest presses, squats and row. Wasn't too intense but I could definitely feel the weakness in my arms, especially my right arm. Had a look at the chart and there are so many exercises to choose from that help build the body for strength and flexibility. Shame the equipment is $200 otherwise I may have considered investing in it. But perhaps later down the track.

The 'new' circuit I have is this but I imagine it will change come Tuesday's PT session:

Some of the TRX exercises 

Warm Up

TRX - chest, squats and rows 3x15)
4kg medicine ball wall slam and floor slam 2x I min each
Cross Trainer fast/slow 4x30/30 = 8mins
Rowing fast/slow 5x30/30 = 5mins

Training

Lats Pulldown 3x15 at 30kg
Chest Press 3x15 at 30kg
Squats 3x20 with 4kg med ball
Hammy Curls 3x15 at 40kg
Shoulder Press 3x15 at 20kg
Standing Row 3x15 at 30kg

medicine ball floor slam

Core Exercises

Ab Curls 2x20

Russian Twists 2x40 with 4kg ball

Alt. Arm/Leg Raises 2x10

So pretty much the same as it used to be but not as much treadmill or rowing, which I always felt was a bit excessive as a warm up. 

Did quite well with it all, finding the squats the hardest thing at the moment but the ab curls are becoming easier - still struggle with the second set but it is that little bit easier and I can feel that I am making progress.

Ten days to go and it's been hard - the last two days along with this heat; i find it really demotivates me. Got another intense few days and then hopefully it will be a nice cool change before the end of it. Perhaps focusing less on the ten day left and more on the ultimate goal of being 80kg would help more too...

Apologies for the weird font towards the end, not sure how to get it to be the normal size I always use!

30 Days of Fitness: Day 19 - Losing My Motivation

Yup, after 19 days I am struggling to keep the motivation going, and not for the next 11 days because I can do that as there is a light at the end of that tunnel. But after the 30 days. I can feel myself beginning that train of thought of 'i can't be assed', 'I am too tired' or - even worse, 'it's too hard'.  I almost had a nap tonight instead of going to the gym and that might be because I am tired and have been super busy these last few days but it has me worried.

I know that by continuing with this my body and mind will eventually thank me but there is never an end result with the gym. Ideally, what I want is to gain an extra ten kilograms as I don't like being 70kg at 6'3" but after that, if I stop going does all that come off again? By doing this 30 day challenge have in fact committed to a 30 year challenge?

It might also be the fact that I am doing so much fitness that it's losing its fun aspect and its novelty. I know once the challenge is over, I will do weight/cardio only 3/4 times a week with a pump class and on occasional spin class. Which in retrospect doesn't really cut much out at all, except for zumba. Definitely not doing zumba after the challenge is over. Don't even want to go on Sunday!

But anyway, I did go to the gym tonight - ran 1.5km in 9:24 seconds and rowed 1km in 4:14 seconds. Did well with the weights, struggled a bit today with the leg work, the squats and the hamstring curls but completed everything. I can feel my abs at work and getting stronger. That sentence was so weird to write. Me. Having abs. Wow. lol...still struggled to do 40 ab curls but it definitely did feel easier!

Had my protein shake as soon as I got home and now to have a bowl of pasta - is that bad?

30 Days of Fitness: Day 18 - Curveball!

This is me at 5am after four hours sleep getting
ready for the gym

Four hours sleep and back at the gym at 5:30am on an empty stomach. Yup, real smart move there.

Did my warm up until Nathan arrived and then threw me a curveball, like Jeff Probst does in Survivor. He was changing my whole circuit! Bastard! I'd mentally prepared myself for weight and squats and instead we were working on cardio today! I was needing that familiarity especially today with being in the fragile place I was in.

Had me using the TRX to do some supported push ups, squats and rows. Lots of upper strength - something I struggle with but I was pleased with myself here.

Did some work with the medicine bald which killed my arms. A minute has never gone so long; I swear that gym time goes slower than real time.

Then used the rower and cross fit for 30 seconds hard and 30 seconds soft cycles for four minutes. I was all "but I rowed this morning" and Nathan's all "that's alright you'll do it again". Think lack of sleep made me a whiny bitch.

Finally did some work on the ropes. Using arms again, wanted to fucking die. Was so glad when he looked at the time and we'd run over the session by 5 minutes.

So I'm supposed to alternate now between weights and cardio, which is fine and I understand why, but it's just annoying because I really wanted to excel at the weights. I feel like it's going to take me twice as hard to achieve what I want now because I won't be doing weights as much which is stupid I know!

I've been feeling a bit rough at work today and hoping I'm not getting sick or putting too much on my body. Especially with 12 days to go. Getting a good eight hours sleep tonight so hopefully that will recharge my batteries.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 17 - Just a Man and His Will to Survive

5:00am wake up call today, not so hard when you get to sleep at 10:00am.

It might have been a mistake going last night and this morning because everything was a little but harder this time round. It's weird, there are days I can do the circuit without a problem and then others, I struggle. Again it was with the shoulder presses - still on 20kg. Got my PT tomorrow and doubt I'll be "upgrading". I have however taken myself from 25kg to 30kg on the lat pulldown. Yes it is harder but I am able to do it so I think I'm doing the right thing!

On the treadmill I've managed to run 1.5km in ten minutes and my rowing is pretty consistent now at about 1km in the 4:15 mark. I'm hoping to eventually get this down to under 4 minutes and to get to 2km in 10 minutes but that's not a massive concern of mine.

The protein shake after the workouts has been having the desired effect on me, eating more as well so hopefully I will be able to gain some muscle. I weigh about 70kg and am 6'3". This has always been an issue of mine, as I've always wanted to put on weight and be around the 80kg mark. Everyone always says how lucky I am to be skinny and eat anything I want and blah blah blah but the reality is I HATE being skinny. Perhaps this is the whole media and society promoting the hot buff masculine man on me but I'm sick of being the skinny guy. Hopefully I'll end up with a "Sandra Dee" moment song towards the end of the run!

30 Days of Fitness: Day 16 - Fighting Past

Back at the gym today for my workout. Created myself a sexy new playlist as well and boy did it help. Turns out Paloma Faith and the like are NOT good music for working out. So lots of Kylie - yes, I went there - some David Guetta (my lady jam) and loads of other 'active' songs. So when it came to the cardio stuff, I was more focused on singing along to Rihanna than I was on reaching certain goals. Not that I ignored them but wasn't staring at the time so intently and it kind of worked for me. Didn't achieve my best but I was pleased with the results.

Managed to complete my weight circuit too. Inadvertently did 30kg for the lats pulldown and even though it was a struggle I could actually feel myself fighting past the pain and actually finishing the set. It was a very 'wow' moment because up until now whenever my PT has said 'fight through' or i've said it to myself nothing has happened, like I was having a conversation with my stubborn, annoying 15 year old self. Tonight however, it responded and even though it hurt at the time I did it.

I've been really happy with the progress I have been making - in retrospect I feel like I should have taken then advice people said and taken a before and after photo because I would like to see the difference but I guess it's enough for me that other people are seeing it. Not because I want to be noticed but because it means I am getting healthier and fitter. Co-worker today commented on how I did look good and there was a sparkle in my eyes - that was nice.

This is not going to happen

I'm glad to say I have also not taken any selfies at the gym - ugh. I hate it when people do that. Part of the reason is because I leave my phone at work and it's nice, because I don't get distracted by twitter or texts and calls and can really keep my focus on what I am doing. I like that, it's a nice escape from the real world sometimes, which may also be another reason for me to continue with this once my 30 days are up.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 15 - We're Halfway There

HALFWAY!!!!

Pump class this morning. Went much better today than last week. I guess being mentally prepared allowed me to pace myself and know what to expect. Did a lot of arm and leg work and yet again, realise how "weak" I am. Doing lunges with only 5 kilos resting on my shoulders and my legs are shaking like jelly.

My confidence in the class is building as well, not staring intently at the instructor watching her every move and understanding the lingo and what she she says is getting easier. I get confused though with pushing myself to my maximum and trying to do too much. Should I be lifting more weights and struggling through it or less weights and getting through it....not comfortably but not feeling the burn as much.

Ugh...worst pose ever

In the evening I went to my outdoor yoga class and it was a bit of a shambles, not only were my legs still recovering from spin class on Saturday but also the pump class this morning. So naturally, the instructor did a lot of lunges and dog poses - which I hate the most, have the worst flexibility in my legs. The hardest thing was trying to focus on being in the moment and I did that, for a second, and then thought about all the frustrations going on in my life and so I lost my balance a lot, couldn't hold poses and pretty much being everywhere but in the moment. I think that's why I am - yes, I will admit it - enjoying my workouts at the gym because it demands so much of my attention that I just can't focus on anything else.

I've got to say though, the encouragement and support I have been getting from people has been great. It definitely makes me feel like I can continue going on with it. My housemate has noticed that I stand straighter, a friend yesterday told me I looked really good and a co-worker told me he was jealous of my determination. So hopefully that will be enough to see me through the next 15 days, because oh how my body aches. Keep it coming guys :)

My Top 10 Shows of 2013

So I managed to see 123 shows in 2013 - a variety of comedy, theatre, dance, performance arts and often something in between. Here are my top ten…
If I reviewed the show on an official basis, the link to the review is attached.

1. This Trick produced by Stella Electrika
    Performed at La MaMa Courthouse

Written and directed by Kat Henry, This Trick, tells the story of a young married couple, obsessively in love with each other.
Strong performances by the leads, Penny Harpham and Matt Hickey had me completely enveloped by the story and the level of commitment they brought to the roles was more than impressive.
The minimalist set design contrasted with the dynamic lighting and choreography was well thought out and placed in telling this story of such love, where even death is not enough to separate them.

REVIEW

30 Days of Fitness: Day 14 - Reflections and Revelations

So I'm having a massive body image day today. I think. I was at the gym doing my workout and it was all going ok until I got to the chest presses and the shoulder presses. I couldn't do the 30kg that I had been able to do on Thursday and Friday. Was really disappointing because I never thought I'd regress. And it wasn't that it became too hard and I couldn't be bothered but to the point where I had to almost push myself out of the seat to be able to do them correctly. So I dropped down to 20kg. So this bummed me out for the test of the workout and I ended up struggling through it a lot more because of that.

On top of that, generally my gym has a very mixed ratio of guys, girls, old, young, fit and unfit so it's never really been too intimidating. And even though I'm generally a pretty self confident person, when it comes to my body I lack severely. Today however, there was a myriad of fit fit men there, and I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to people who've been obviously working out a lot but you just can't help but be slightly embarrassed and just want to be at home eating Doritos and watching Walking Dead.

Then I had my Zumba class and I've definitely decided Zumba isn't for me. I just feel like it's a dance class for mothers. Just my opinion - please don't shoot! I just struggled with the co-ordination and I couldn't focus on what was happening. Instead I was looking at the clock every five minutes wondering when that hour would be up. Although, he did incorporate a bit of Bollywood into it so that was a nice change.

A perfect example

On the eve of being halfway through the challenge, I know I've come a long way. My housemate commented today that I've been standing straighter - and poor posture had always been a problem of mine - and look better but the idea of being this hot muscly man is never going to be me yet I yearn for it quite a lot.

Maybe this has something to do with gay culture and how it is obsessed - yes, obsessed with body image. I don't know many straight guys who take photos of their bodies and parade it online through Facebook, Instagram or twitter. The gay community though, they thrive on it like it's a competition to see who had the best body. Even though its s competition I don't want to enter or win I can't help it but be influenced and affected by these images that surround me.

I'm generally ok with it all, but today had been a moment of weakness. And reflection as to what I want to achieve from this challenge.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 13 - I'm Spinning Around

Don't mess with me

Second fencing class today. Starting to get a bit more aware of the technique and stuff. Just a bit frustrating playing against someone who just comes hurtling at you waving their sword all over the place and not through skill but just thinking that thrashing about quickly will win him points. It's a shame it's not an activity you can just do anywhere with anyone. This week wasn't as physically demanding as last week, think it's a combination of the weather being cooler and spending more time on technique and principles of fencing.

At the end we had a "last man standing" fencing battle - i won the first two until people realised i was a threat and had three people attack me in the third game. Felt a bit like Zorro...I took two out before getting 'stabbed'. Haha...

Was also my second Spin Cycle class today at the Gym. I was a little more mentally prepared about what to expect from the class and from myself. I paced myself a lot better and for the whole 45 minutes I didn't stop once. There were moments though where I thought my legs were just gonna give way but soldered on through various methods, mainly counting down till how long I had left or telling myself till the end of the song or set and then have a break but then I keep going on. What do other people use to keep their momentum going?

30 Days of Fitness: Day 12 - Getting Tired

Was supposed to have a yoga session in the morning, just in my room, but when the alarm went off at 6am, I just hit snooze and woke up again at 7am. Felt annoyed with myself but I just had no energy, especially when I had work and a gym session to follow. Would have loved to have done it though to just stretch out my muscles but oh well.

With 18 days to go, not sure how much more I can cope. Especially with a hectic weekend of fencing, gym, spin and zumba! I know I am pushing myself quite hard but it is supposed to be a challenge. I guess if I am doing too much I will eventually burn out and I will have to learn from that!

However, at the gym tonight I completed the new circuit quite well. Didn't get as sweaty as I usually do. Not sue if that means I'm getting used to the routine or not. I couldn't find the 3kg ball for my squats or russian twists so I ended up using a 4kg ball which wasn't too bad. Those damn chest and shoulder presses are still my weakest exercise but I guess the more I do it, the better I will get at lifting that weight.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 10 - I Climbed A Tree

Back at the gym again. Liking the routine of it. Still struggling with the ab curls though, which I could practise at home but then I'm like "nah". But I can already feel my cardio is improving and the weights do seem easier. I have my PT session tomorrow so hopefully he'll say I have as well!

It's there! Second finger!

I've also suffered my first casualty during my fitness. Big blister on my hand - clearly not a man who's used to such labour. Hopefully it's the first and the last.

In the afternoon I headed to the Trees Adventure Park in Belgrave. Basically it's a number of tree top obstacle courses that also includes flying foxes. It's a lot of fun but physically quite demanding and a little daunting initially when you see how high up you are.

The long black course (or Oh LaLa as its known at the park) is by far the hardest. It's physically so demanding my legs and arms were shaking so much. There were moments I just wanted to give up but I was in the middle of an obstacle and to give up would be quite embarrassing. To make maters worse it started raining too so the wood was a bit slippery too.

By the end of the two hours I was covered in so much sweat and rainwater, I didn't know which was which. My legs and arms are killing me. Had to use a lot of upper body strength throughout.

A lot of fun but it's not easy/relaxing fun. Think tomorrow is going to be a killer.

Trees Adventure Park = Exhausting Fun

30 Days of Fitness: Day 9 - Back to the Gym

Headed back to the gym this evening. Despite the pain and stuff, I am secretly looking forward to these gym times. Apart from getting fit, when I am at the gym, I am so focused on getting it done that everything else I am thinking about just goes away; which for me is a welcome relief! Just in case you missed it a few days ago, this is the circuit I am doing:

HATE these with a passion

Warm Up
Treadmill 10 mins
Rower 5 mins = 1km

Training
Lats Pulldown 3x15 at 20kg
Chest Press 3x15 at 20kg
Squats 3x20
Hammy Curls 3x14 at 40kg
Shoulder Press 3x15 at 20kg
Seated Row 3x15 at 25kg

Core Excercies
Ab Curls 2x20
Russian Twists 2x40 with 2kg ball
Alt. Arm/Leg Raises 2x10

Cool Down

Cross Fit 10 mins

I'm already feeling my endurance is getting better. I can run faster for longer on the treadmill and can row a km in 4:13 seconds (another 9 seconds of my time two days ago). Less than a week ago, I struggled to make it in 5:02. Even the weights, they are still hard for me but easier at the same time. Although the ab curls just kill me. Each and every single one of them.

I've had quite a few friends comment recently and laugh about the fact that I am going to the gym now. "I can't picture you at the gym', 'what do you wear?' and similar comments are made. And even though I may laugh about it and make jokes about it myself, it's comments like this I think people need to be careful about making because to the wrong person it might be enough to turn them off out of fear or intimidation. Fortunately for the next 21 days I have no choice and hopefully by then, I just won't care!