There is so much I want to write down right now but I am unsure if
it’s a critical review of the show I just saw or a visceral personal
response. Such is the effect that Rani Pramesti has on you when you walk out of Sedih//Sunno. “Sedih” is Bahasa Indonesia for ‘sadness’ and “sunno” is ‘to listen’ in Fijian Hindi, so the show is an invitation to listen to our sadness. Or as one of the performers advised us, it is a meditation on such sadness.
Sedih//Sunno is a collaborative performance installation piece by Pramesti, Ria Soemardjo, Kei Murakami and Shivanjani Lal, all sharing stories with us in this multi-sensory and multi-cultural show. As we take our seat in a room surrounded by gorgeous Indonesian batik fabrics,
we hear the four women speaking over the top of each other in their
various languages as if they are conversing at home with their family. I
don’t understand any of it (except some snippets of Japanese), but it feels lively, fun and inviting.
For 16 years, I have felt helpless, worthless, anxious, lonely and depressed. 16 years. That is literally half my life. It's a scary thought when I think about that. 16 years of virtually hiding who I am. This no doubt has affected my relationships with friends, family and boyfriends. There are constant feelings of life passing me by and there is constant disappointment about where my life has headed.
I guess I have been fortunate that even though I have had suicidal thoughts, they have been far and few in between and I never realistically thought of going through with it. The closest I ever came was running a push pin up and down my arm till I bled. Just ended up looking like a cat had scratched me. This was during my late high school years and early university life and have since realised that that type of behaviour is not at all healthy and the faint scars on my arms remind me of this.
