Am I a Bad Gay?

I often joke to my friends that one day, my license will be revoked; my license to be gay. I know a lot of people who will read this and disagree with me and that's fine, but from my experiences this is how I see the gay community as a whole, based on my experiences. I've been a practising homosexual for a decade and I still feel no closer to the gay community than those days when I would borrow my next door neighbour's Dolly magazines to read but secretly lust after the shirtless nameless models in their pages.

There are a number of reasons why I feel I am a bad gay; the main one being I hate gay clubs. The clubs I have been to are generally a cruising ground for sex. Not that straight clubs aren't but in the gay ones, sexual advances are extremely direct and confronting (and at times, close to sexual assault). Two examples that come to mind; I was in the toilets of one club when a guy walked up to me and asked 'can I suck your dick' while I was literally standing at the urinal. Another time, a customer I had served when I worked in retail recognised me out and as he walked past me, grabbed my penis and smiled at me. I didn't appreciate that but yet if I was to create a scene about these moments, I would be looked at as making a big deal over nothing. The themed nights that various clubs have such as 'foam parties' implicitly condone such behaviour.

Continuing on with the overly sexualisation in the gay community, the amount of times I have started talking to - and even dated - guys and then find out they are in open relationships is unbelievable. I was at the Peel about six months ago and this guy approached me. We chatted for a while and had a bit of a snog (yes I said snog, deal with it) and then I returned to my mates. As I was leaving, I went back to him, chatted a bit more, exchanged numbers and I headed home (that's the PG version anyway). We spent the weekend texting back and forth and organising to go out that following Thursday until he sent me a text on the Monday saying "hey, I really like you but I think you should know I already have a boyfriend but I still want to see you". Delete. I'm not judging anyone that is in an open relationship (even though I don't get it) but it's treated like such a casual, normal thing to mention to someone, to the point where I was told by a friend that I should have asked him if he had a boyfriend! I'm no prude and I like to think I've had my fair share of escapades (yes, at times I have used Grindr to fulfil these needs) but in a gay environment, I feel sexual inhibitions disappear and anything is deemed acceptable which does not sit well with me.

There is a strong sense of competition between gay men. Much more than what I witness and hear about amongst my straight male friends. There's this feeling of having to be better than and superior to each other. Walk down Chapel St and you can feel the eyes burning through you, looking you up and down, judging what you're wearing, how your hair looks and who good your body is. We're so hell bent on creating a gay community yet we create these divides that are anything but positive. Why would anyone want to be part of that?

I'm also not a participant of gay festivals or events; I've never been to MidSumma, Sydney Mardi Gras and I didn't even go to any Melbourne Queer Film Festival screenings. I feel no connection or openess to any of these. A new magazine "about men who date men" called Hello Mr. was released recently, which has intelligent and well thought out articles written by gay men from around the world. Whilst it was far superior to the semi-pornographic DNA-esque magazines that are around at the moment, I still was not won over. There were only three articles I genuinely enjoyed and was moved by but the rest of it felt preachy and at times, quite pretentious - further enhancing 'competition' within the gay community.

It is for these reason why I guess I don't have a lot of gay friends, which I am fine with, as choosing your friends based on sexual preference is just as ridiculous as choosing your friends based on sex. My friends are awesome and never have I ever been made to feel uncomfortable about who I am, directly or indirectly but I've also reached the stage now - having just turned thirty five months ago - where what I would really like is a relationship. Having turned my back on so many gay avenues, what else is left? Where do people who don't fit the gay community mould go? I keep thinking that I will meet the perfect guy when I am at a cool little cafe in Fitzroy or at a comedy gig I may be at and I don't need to go to the Greyhound or join a gay sports team to meet him.

So...am I a bad gay?

Why I go to the Gym

There's an article doing the rounds at the moment by pianist James Rhodes called "Find what you love and let it kill you". You can find the article here. In it Rhodes discusses how his love for playing the piano has enveloped his life and how it is the greatest thing in his life, which is great, but then he makes the following statement:

"What if, rather than paying £70 a month for a gym membership that delights in making you feel fat, guilty and a world away from the man your wife married you bought a few blank canvases and some paints and spent time each day painting your version of "I love you" until you realised that any woman worth keeping would jump you then and there just for that, despite your lack of a six-pack?"

I fell this is an unfair statement to make. Clearly Rhodes is not a fan of the gym and it sounds like he's never been inside a gym. I am only making this assumption because it is what I used to think of about the gym before I started going.

I began going to the gym as part of a 30 Day Challenge. Until that time I had NEVER set foot in a gym and the most active thing I had done of late was performing on stage with an improvised comedy group. However, I was "lucky" to be "blessed" with the ability to eat anything and not put on weight. So at 6'3" and weighing only 71kg, I never looked at fitness as my thing.


Initially, I felt a little inferior to the people going at my gym. This skinny tall guy who could barely bench press 20kg. But the more I persevered at it, the better I got. The gym actually became a place of positivity and well being for me. And it was one of the few places, at the moment where I am able to switch off everything else that is going on in my life and just focus on the present.

During my first few visits, I was self conscious but I noticed that no one even looks at you at the gym - or my gym anyway. Everyone is so focused on themselves to care about or judge you. Perfect example was when I was doing some bench presses and I had exerted myself so much that I couldn't push the bar back up on the hooks. I was stuck there with 30 kg resting on my chest. No one helped. Because no one was watching me. I eventually managed to lift if up and hide my sheer embarrassment.

Before I went to the gym, I had severe issues about my body - and to an extent, I still do and probably always will. But the progress I have made at the gym (I have already gained 2kg and now have a bicep!!!) has provided me with more confidence than I have had in my entire life. I am not going to the gym for anyone but myself.

I find the gym an inspirational place as I see men (and women) with great physiques that I aspire to have. My current goal is to gain 10kg of muscle. I go to the gym 6 days a week and have a weekly Personal Training session. My PT is supportive and listens to my needs and pushes me that extra bit. So I take offence to Rhodes' remark about how the gym makes you feel fat and guilty and implying that people only go for superficial reasons.

I have been going to the gym for ten weeks now and I am feeling great. If I become aesthetically more appealing to others in the process, then it's a win/win situation. Whilst I agree with Rhodes' sentiments I feel that his above statement is an insult to people who enjoy going to the gym, as if their passion is not as valid because it is not artistic like playing the piano or painting yet it requires just as much discipline and passion.

So find what you love and let it kill you - whatever it may be.

2013 Melbourne Comedy Festival Top 10 shows

So, after having seen a whopping 6% of what's on offer I give you my top ten shows of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival!
If I also reviewed the show on an official basis, the link to the review is attached.


1. SLUTMONSTER & FRIENDS

My mind was blown and then got super dirty after watching this show. It was relentless in its laughs and full of so much inappropriate humour which I absolutely adore. I could not fault this show and so glad I finally got to see it. Really hoping for a little Slutmonster cuddly toy to come out soon - look at the costume!
REVIEW


2. SUITCASES, BAGGAGE & OTHER SYNONYMS

I have a strong preference for theatre rather than stand up so naturally I really enjoyed this musical comedy about five housemates trying to decide where to go on holiday. Great score and a very snappy and sharp script which really packed in the laughs. And you know that any show that starts off with a bang is going to be good.

REVIEW


3. HOPE IS THE SADDEST

Another theatre number revolving around chance encounters and Dolly Parton. Extremely well written with some very thought out characters. There is not a single word that is wasted in this script. Great ways of using the small stage and a good combination of varying methods of telling the story are incorporated.

REVIEW


4. ANNE EDMONDS in "THE QUARTER CABBAGE"

Four strangers come to the same grocer to buy a quarter cabbage. They each give a 15 minute monologue to an insight into their lives. Edmonds portrays them with such honesty, realness and hilarity there were tears rolling down my face at various points. Would love to see some more of John Watts and Rebecca again.

REVIEW

5. SIMON ABRAHAMS & LACHLAN MaCLEOD in "SATURN RETURNS"

This cabaret show look at the fears and worries we have about turning 30. Having just turned 30, I could absolutely agree with all the issues these two talented singer/songwriters/performers covered. Some poignant moments scattered throughout and Abrahams and MaCleod would be one of the strongest comedy duo I have seen in a long time.
REVIEW

6. APARTMENTOCALYPSE!

It's the end of the world and three housemates are trying to figure out what happens next. Great mixture of the mundane within the backdrop of armageddon. It's clear they have been working on this for a while and it pays off with some very clever humour and dialogue. 

REVIEW



7. CIRCUS HORRIFICUS

Sideshow freak circus acts meet comedy here. Although there are a few moments that the "slapstick" does waver and it's not so much traditional laughter as more gasps and deep breaths with some of the acts these two performers do, it was still a highly enjoyable show that had you feeling sympathy pain in places you didn't know you could.

REVIEW




8. THOMAS GREEN in "SIGN OF THE TIMES"

Although officially not part of the festival, Green performed a few intimate stand up sets in Richmond and I was very impressed by him. Probably one of the newest stand up comedians I have seen in a while that I have enjoyed. Really charming and laid back with interesting insights and anecdotal stories. Definitely someone to look out for in next year's comedy festival.

REVIEW


9. CHOIR GIRL

Sarah Collins is great as Susan, a young woman obsessed with being in choirs and the means she goes through to get accepted. Collins has some great storytelling techniques and her ability to command a crowd of over 250 people is a skill that not many performers have. Some great musical moments too, with Britney Spears being quite memorable. Oh, and there is a real life 13 person choir in the show too.
REVIEW

10. IN THE PARLOUR with TILLY & FLORA

Set in 1851 in a small English town of Cottesloe, this is improvised comedy at its best. And also the only improvised theatre-show at the Festival.  Sisters, Tilly and Flora are a delight to watch on stage with their daily adventures whilst also trying to keep up appearances. My regret is not being able to see more of this show as each one was completely different.


Well there you have it. Hope you managed to catch some of these shows as sometimes the more popular shows are not always going to be the best. If you agree, disagree or just have an urge to comment on my choices then let me know!

Till next Comedy Festival!

Is the Walking Dead sexist?

Recently, I have felt that The Walking Dead – the TV series – has been treating its female character as second rate characters. Not caring for them and not developing them as much as they are the men. I’ve also made a note of the number of female characters who seem to kill themselves. It’s quite difficult to not compare the same character to the comic but I will attempt to look at the TV series separately to the comics for the most part.

In the beginning of the seasons, I remember the four women, Andrea, Carol, Amy and Jacqui (who later killed herself) washing their clothes when Shane attacks Carol's husband Ed for abusing her. The four women stood back screaming at Shane to stop, even Andrea. In later episodes, once he was dead, Carol felt guilty for wishing dead the man who beat on her and abused her daughter. Even now that her husband – and daughter – are dead, Carol is still shown as a weak person constantly being protected by the men of the camp, including T-Dog who sacrificed himself to save her and Darryl. Furthermore, Beth has been nothing but a babysitter for the most of season 3. We actually saw her kill two walkers in the finale behind the gates so at least she got to do something. Oh, and let’s not forget her own attempt at suicide in Season 2. Luckily now she stays under the watchful eye of her father, Hershel.

30 Days of Fitness: Day 30 - And so it is

The last day!

Thought I would take it easy today and do a yoga session in the morning. I haven't been warming down properly the last few sessions and I am starting to feel it in my muscles and joints a bit. The stiffness and just being a bit sore for too long. It's just once I finish a workout, the last thing on my mind is warming down. I just wanna go home and relax. I guess I need to start seeing the warm down as PART of the workout and not something separate. I manage to do about 15 minutes of cardio before each workout though - 5 minutes treadmill, 5 minutes rowing and 4 minutes with the medicine ball. So doing the yoga was a great thing. Really stretched out all those muscles and tightness. Felt great afterwards.

So got through 30 Days of Fitness! Yay me! haha...certainly given me a different outlook on health and fitness but I will write up one final blog about my thoughts on the last 30 days tomorrow.